This ain't grandma's house

Vito and Shame in LA

2008-05-01T10:04:00.002-04:00

So I'm performing in Los Angeles at the LA comedy festival.
If you live in LA or know someone who is tell them to check out my show as Vito Cazzolungo or in sketch as Shame Is Right!
my show dates are
Tues May 6th at 9:30pm
Fri May 9th at 9:30pm
and May 10th at 9:30 in Shame Is Right!
and May 11th at 8:30 in Shame Is Right!
for more info
go to www.lacomedyfest.com

Blog Difribulation

2007-06-23T15:24:00.000-04:00

I’m back to blogging. It would seem that myspace killed my blog and months later facebook killed my myspace. But I am resurrecting my blog in order to keep people who care abreast of my travels in the Caribbean. As many of you already know I was hired by The Second City to work on a cruise ship which goes from NYC to the Bahamas and then a week later goes to Bermuda and the Virgin Islands. In the fall the route changes but more on that to come.
As luck would have it I am also traveling with my girlfriend who is also a performer and we have a really great contract, so hats off to those at 2nd city who arranged it because it really is a great gig! Our director is great and did a very family friendly best of show for the passengers who love it and we get many compliments from them when the see us on the ship. I will endevour to update this blog every other day with my goings on. More to come later, now I must watch us leave NYC and pass The Statue of Liberty on our journey to the Bermuda Triangle.

20th Fox closes down my buddies show! cease-and-desist

2007-02-16T15:42:00.000-05:00

‘Swiss Family Guy Robinson’ has been shut down by the 20th Century Fox legal department. The network contends the one-man comedy stage production, which has played to critical and audience fanfare since premiering in July 2006, violates their intellectual property.
And all I can say is SHAME.

My friends:
Brian Froud, and Steven and Daniel Shehori, are the guys behind the production of the ‘Swiss Family Robinson’ where Brian uses impressions of nearly 30 characters.

Chris Alexander, vice president of Media Relations for Fox Television, issued the following statement to the Toronto Star, detailing Fox legal department’s recent decision:

"When we learned that this production had made unauthorized use of the Family Guy characters and material, we asked that the producers cease and desist and they have complied. Protecting our intellectual property and copyrights is something we take very seriously at Twentieth Century Fox Television."

Now here is the shitty part, they never saw the tape of this show, even though the Shehori's kept trying to contact the powers that be at FOX.

The decision was made despite the fact that a similar production named ‘MacHomer’ has been playing to audiences worldwide for 10 years – all with Fox’s approval. ‘MacHomer’ showcases the talents of Canadian Rick Miller, who tells the story of Shakespeare’s ‘Macbeth’ using voices and characters from Fox’s ‘The Simpsons’. When asked by the Toronto Star why ‘MacHomer’ was given Fox’s blessing, yet ‘Swiss Family Guy Robinson’ received a ‘cease-and-desist’, Chris Alexander refused to comment.

OK so the only thing that you can do is sign an online petition to Fox. I mean it was the Fans of Family Guy who saved it from its dimise, maybe fans of Swiss Family Guy Robinson can do the same.

Here is where you go to sign the petition: click here

Look what is brewing

2007-01-24T15:04:00.000-05:00

More info to come
last month it SOLD OUT
so buy your tickets early
go to www.dieselplayhouse.com
or cal 416.971.5656

Check out my show!!! Tomorrow Night!

2007-01-12T12:19:00.000-05:00

My Cabaret show is tomorrow night!
It'll be bawdy and crazy and a whole lot of fun!
We have comedy, music and prizes. Some come on down and check it out!

Vito Cazzolungo’s Lucky 13 Cabaret
When: Saturday January 13, 2007
Where: The Diesel Playhouse, 56 Blue Jays Way
Time: 10pm
Price: $10
Tickets: 416.971.5656 or www.dieselplayhouse.com

Touched by someone I didn't even know"

2007-01-07T14:10:00.000-05:00

Many people may have already heard about the murder of Helen Hill. Although I never met her (or her husband Paul Gailiunas both of whom where shot) she happend to be a good friend of someone I care about. The more I read and hear about her the more I am saddened by the fact I never will get to meet this wonderful person, artist and mother. While any act of violence like this, is not only outrageous and useless and obvioulsy commited by the most cowardly of people.

I do not want to dwell on the violence as everything I read and come to know about Helen is about peace and love.
I will say that the world was a better place because of Helen Hill and for all her work and love, to her I say Thank you.
My thoughts are with her family and friends and her husband Paul and son Francis.

"All the darkeness in the world cannot extinguish the light of just one candle."

For more info on Helen Hill please click here

Keep it Green all year

2006-12-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

I'll be the first to admit that the environment isn't the first thing I think of in my daily activities, although I do try to be as environmentally friendly as I can. After a bit of emailfest with some friends, I've decided to post some simple ways that we can all help make a better impact on the environment in our everyday life. I want to thank Melaine, who was the one who offered these simple tips:

1. Turn down your thermostat (or up depending on the season) I will admit that trying to program the programable thermostate I have takes a degree in binary science, but I will do a better job at it.
2. Seal your windows.
3. Wash your clothes in Cold Water
4. Use compact fluorescent or LED lights. I have changed a few bulbs in my house to those flourescent curly ones, now the light that comes off them takes a little getting used to but even if you just change 4 or 5 random bulb especially and this goes out to my neighbour Wallace the outside light that we often leave on all night...very wise one to change
5. Run your dishwasher/washer/dryer at night out of peaktime. This I can gladly say I do almost all of the time, and it's a nice background noise when you are watching that distracting "Deal or No Deal."
6. Unplug unused appliances - they suck phantom power even when not in use. I had no idea my toaster was such a little energy bitch this will be taken care of immediately.
7. Walk/bike/ttc more, drive less. I'll admit this is more of a seasonal thing if the weather is nice I'll walk or bike, but I'm gonna try to do mre of this even when the weather's a bit crappy
and lastly....
Make sure that your tire pressure is correct can reduce the amount of gas your car burns
All I ask is you try to do one or two of those above and the best part is you will feel better too!
For more helpful information please visit this site:
click here

There were 5

2006-12-08T14:40:00.000-05:00

Netherland
Spain
Belgium
South Africa and
Canada, all recognizing Gay Marriage.
Very interesting how this will all play out on the world stage.
Also interesting to note which countries in the world are progressive.
As well it's amazing how lame the argument for keeping the word marriage exclusive to straight couples. Imagine that? I bet if they could they'd want to keep the word "love" exclusive to heterosexuals. shame.

Mongolian-hell

2006-11-30T12:32:00.000-05:00

Ok so it would seem like I'm talking about a lot of resteraunts lately and places to eat. One would think with all that eating he must be very stout, and yes as of late I am a beast...but thats what the new year is for... excercise.
But now onto serious food news.
I had perhaps the worst meal of my life recentely at The Mongolian Grill Here's the thing I don't like buffets...having worked them and seen the behind-the-scenes buffet...as well as not being impressed with everyone and their mothers swirling around in the chaffing dishes I'm about to draw food from. Plus if I go to a resteraunt I want to be served, I do not want to have to get up and waddle my way through a line of people to get my food. OK so now that I've fessed up with my feelings towards buffets. I will say I went to Mongolian Grill with my girlfriend and I was I'm going to give it a chance because this is a different kind of buffet and it will be fun.
So wrong so very very wrong. First you had to go up and gather the food you wanted to cook which was fine in theory but the meat was all half frozen and looked anything but grade A. Then you had to bring it to the Grill and wait for them to clean the grill (which is always important) and you had to wait and wait for you food to be grilled and then depending on your particular combination your food either tasted good or like it came from hell. I had this issue with the curry powder I used in my fish dish it certainly did not go well with the key west powder that I put in ...then I was given someone elses grill order but only realized it as I was eating little chops of baby corn (baby corn I'd never put that with my pork) only a leathal combination of Curry and Key West powders. To top it all off we had an incident with a tooth that I don't care to get into but the staff was less then helpful. The salad bar was mangy to say the least. The washrooms were clean but the size of a coffin (which for me as long as they are clean I can deal with my claustraphobia). To top it all off the dinners were around $20 bucks each and with all the food combining I did, trying to get the composition of my meal down pat, my tummy was all out of sorts at the end of the evening. Needless to say I will never go back to The Mongolian Grill

Little bitch politicans

2006-11-22T00:57:00.001-05:00

I was a long time resident of Vaughan, Ontario (Woodbridge to be precise! Yeah there's a lot one can say but hey I'm proud of where I grew up)

But Vaughan's former Mayor Michael Di Biase is being a little bitch. You see he was defeated by Linda Jackson by 90 votes and he's all re-count re-count. Citing problems with 4 voting machines but: "( Despite paper jams in four electronic vote tabulating machines on election day in Vaughan, no votes were lost, city clerk and returning officer John Leach told The Citizen yesterday.
The affected machines were replaced and an audit trail of each ballot cast has allowed the city to keep tabs on how many votes were marked in support of each candidate, Mr. Leach said." Vaughan Citizen.

So why is Di Biase causing such a fuss, because some people just can't be gracious in the face of defeat; which in my belief makes them a little bitch

* A side note** When Di Biase was mayor he was a bitch to a dear friend of mine and refused to answer a question she had in a form where he was to take question. No love lost from me Mr. Di Biase (former mayor and current bitch of the city of Vaughan)

Good Cause and Funny--So come on out

2006-11-16T16:47:00.000-05:00

Shame Is Right!That is the sketch troupe I am in!
We are doing our own original sketches.
And the charity-- Gilda's Club:
For those of you who don't know, Gilda's Club is a not-for-profit organization which supports people, men and women, who have been affected by cancer.

It will be an action 20 min set we are doing and there will be the following troupes on the bill:
The Imponderables
My First Crush
Approximately 3 Peteres
punch DRYSDALE
and us
Shame is Right!

When:
Monday Nov 27th
Show starts at 8 pm, doors at 7pm.
The Second City
51 Mercer Street
Box office 416.343.0011

Tickets are available at the Second City box office and online at secondcity.com Minimum donation is $10.

Worthy Cause this Saturday

2006-11-13T10:32:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine is involved with this charity.
she's good, it's good, if you feel charitable go to it.
Join us for the 16th Annual
CHUM City Christmas Wish Fundraising Party!

When: Saturday, November 18, 2006

Where: Rosewater Supper Club
19 Toronto St., Toronto
(Adelaide St W & Toronto St)
Tel: 416-214-5888

Time: 9:30pm to 2:00am
Entry: One of the following:
$20 cash donation
New unwrapped toys
New clothing
Non-perishable food

Great Lunch/Brunch Spot

2006-11-11T18:32:00.000-05:00

OK so as many of my readers know I like to eat, and I'm fortunate that Toronto has great place to do so.
A new place opened up that is a fantastic Lunch or Brunch spot. It is called:
Noon
1088 Bathurst Street (just south of Dupont)
The great thing about this resteraunt that is only open for breakfast/lunch I think it closes around 5pm. Is that you can creat your own omlette you don't have to worry about *no substitutions, or an extra charge for building your own; that goes for sandwiches too.

www.noonrestaurant.ca

Vote

2006-11-10T21:03:00.000-05:00

Want change...Vote
Want to be heard...Vote
Want things to stay the same...Vote
Want to bitch about what's wrong...Vote

Banks drive me crazy!

2006-11-09T18:44:00.000-05:00

OK so I've been reading in the paper these days about people having their homes fraudulently sold. These creeps use stole identities, forged documents and publicly available information to transfer your property into their names and then these fuckers SELL your property. And pretty much you are fucked. Spending all kinds of $$$$ trying to prove the property was yours and you never sold it. Then the Banks who allow the sale are all tits up and say "they weren't aware that these assholes were fraudsters" and of course the bank doesn't want to take financial responsibilites for their errors and hence as always the innocent victim is fucked! Well I'll be writing a letter to the banks and the Cockslap McGuinty to see what they are doing about this, stay tuned for their responses.

Do I know you? You look familiar....

2006-11-07T22:38:00.000-05:00

I hear this very often. So often that I realize that I have one of those faces that people just seem to know. It makes me laugh and I know I sound smug, but when people ask me...Do I know you? You look familiar...Did you go to such and such highschool...etc I always respond, "I just have one of those faces". Now sometimes these folk actually do know me, like one woman who went to my highschool 'course I did not recognize her...Really really weird but its something I notice that happends to me very frequently. Why do I post this? I don't really know but I just thought it was a funny quirk about me.

Evil + Dead = Great"

2006-11-02T20:33:00.000-05:00

I just saw Evil Dead the Musical in NYC!
It was awesome! I know I'm biased because my buddy Chris Bond directed it. But if you are a fan of blood, gore and music you'll love it. Or if you just want to have a fucken awesome night at the theatre check out Evil Dead the Musical at New World Stages 340 West 50th Street. Off Broadway....pics to come.

Back!

2006-10-21T18:21:00.000-04:00

I'm back. I know I've been missing from this blog for a while. I've been myspacing, I don't really like it, its kinda necessary evil for the biz. But Blogs are better.

OK HERE IT IS

2006-09-16T12:33:00.000-04:00

I've been lazy it's true. I've been working on a myspace account, which I hate myspace but it's a necessariy evil and I've been writing and rehearsing a show along with my 3 peers, comedic actors and friends. What does this mean you might ask? We are going to have a kick ass show, so don't miss it!
Shame is Right! Proudly presents Let it Shame

Starring: Amanda Barker, Dale Boyer, Trevor Martin, Marco Timpano

An evening of fast paced, possibly offensive, definitely opinionated sketch comedy.

Politics, sex, race, religion, ethics, murder and a sprinkling of romance.

Where: The Diesel Playhouse, 56 Blue Jays Way (formerly the 2nd City)

When:Thurs Sept 28
Fri Sept 29
Sat Sept 30
Thurs Oct 5
Fri Oct 6
Sat Oct 7

Price:
$10 **special $5 off when purchased with Swiss “Family Guy” Robinson
Time:
9:30pm

Buy tickets online at www.dieselplayhouse.com or call 416.971.5656

Snakes on a motherfucken plane

2006-08-21T13:06:00.000-04:00

I went to see the Samuel Jackson film Snakes on a plane and I thought it was great. Of course with all the hype its brillance lies in its title. People are scared to fly and people are scared of snakes, put them together and what do you have? Snakes on a motherfucken plane If you are expecting anything more than seeing Snakes writhing around on a plane you are sorryly mistaken. If you are into seeing a flick of a plane of passangers getting bit by various venimous critters then you're in for a treat. Corny lines delivered by Samuel Jackson are AWESOME in this film. The Theme song for this film which plays while the credits role are brilliant as well, reminds me of like a corny James Bond theme, where they try to work in aspects of the film into the song, of course working in snakes and plane into a song absolutely hilarious.

Great!

2006-08-04T13:18:00.000-04:00

I came across this publicity ad, I thought it was brilliant.
The episode which you can fine on-line is great, and it's amazing how much more publicity this received because of Tom Cruise's Scientology cruisade to get it off the air. I think what the South Park people did is briliant and I hope they win.

The Contender

2006-07-19T19:30:00.000-04:00

2 years ago there was this great TV show called The Contender which Stallone produced and starred in, and I was dissappointed when it wasnt picked up again. Well it's back on the air and it's great. You get to see a glimpse in a boxers life and how they think and their families and stuff like that and then you get to see them fight each other, so there's more vested interest in the matches. I recommend.

Wicked Sweet

2006-07-12T11:01:00.000-04:00

My friend Chad Doucette is one of the contestants on the balls show Canadian Idol hosted by none other than: "Balls on my Chin" Mulroney. Chad is from Nova Scotia, when I was doing a show in Halifax I heard him singing in a local bar, the kid has pipes plays the guitar, keyboards and writes his own music to boot, he graciously helped me out in a show I was doing, which means not only does he have talent but the kid's a stand-up guy. Last night he sang "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls and he did a kick ass job!!
Just wanted to say: Way to go Chad!!! Hopefully he'll make it tonight into the Top 10 and go even further. So be on the look out for Chad Doucette, and Vote for him.

Another Great Fringe show!

2006-07-08T21:43:00.000-04:00

This is a brilliant one man show by a guy who truly is remarkable with his impersonations. You definately want to check out this show. It's getting five stars up the ass everywhere. But I say see it before Brian Froud takes off for Hollywood, or before he ruins his voice by snorting too much coke off a whore's ass (second time i've used this reference this month, I think I'm just in that kinda mood these days).

Where: Royal St. George Theatre - 120 Howland Ave
When:
Mon July 10 at 1pm
Wed July 12 at 7:30
Thur July 13 at 4:15
Fri July 14 at 9:15
Sat July 15 at 12pm
Price $10 at the door

written by Brian Froud & Steven Shehori
Directed by Mark Chavez

TORONTO fringe festival begins!!!`

2006-07-05T20:24:00.000-04:00

Folks the Toronto Fringe Festival is starting tonight!
I have friends who have shows in the Fringe.
Here is a spot-light on one of the shows:
Lenny and Darla: From Vegas...With Love
Funny, Intelligent, brilliantly performed check this show out you won't be dissapointed and it's great for all ages and audiences. Starring: Robert Fulton, and Leslie Seiler (pictured above)
Times and Dates
Thurs July 6 -6:30pm
Sat, July 8 - 11:00pm
Mon, July 10 - 1:15pm
Wed, July 12 - 7:30pm
Fri, July 14 - 9:15pm
Sat, July 15 - 12:30pm
Sun, July 16 - 3:30 pm

Tickets $10
Factory Theatre Mainspace
125 Bathurst Street (S of Queen at Adelaide)

Italy vs. Germany

2006-07-05T14:07:00.000-04:00

I think anyone who watched the game yesterday, has to admit that both teams played exceptionally well. Germany can definately hold their head up high as the match was great to watch and thankfully did not have to go into penalty kicks, while very dramatic to watch a balls way to win or lose. Let's see how France vs. Portugal pans out.

Vote CHAD!!!

2006-06-27T18:56:00.000-04:00

Canadian Idol has begun the voting, and whilst I'm not one to watch anything that has that Cock-slap Ben Mulroney on it, I have to conceed to talent.
I met this kid Chad Doucette when I was doing my one-man show in Halifax in 2004 and he was playing in a bar I happened to be in, and I was thinking wow this singers good, so I went upstairs to check out what's the deal and I almost feel down because the singer was this 16 yr old kid that looked like he was 12, after talking with his family I invited him to play for my shows, he did and he was brilliant. Now he is a contestant on Canadian Idol.
All I can say about Chad is:
He's a cool kid.
He has a nice family.
He is talented.
He has a great voice
He writes is own music.

So Call-IN and vote for CHAD DOUCETTE.
I know voting started yesterday for him and there is only a 2 hour window, but I was on a plane, hopefully he'll make it through and you can vote for him during the next few weeks. Let's all help Chad Doucette have a career that could lead him to doing coke off a hookers ass at some Vegas penthouse suite hotel. LET's MAKE DREAMS COME TRUE!

back in the saddle

2006-06-27T18:53:00.001-04:00

Well I'm back home. Arrived last night late on British Airways and I got to be in First Class which is awesome. Actually got to recline all the way back and sleep in my own little coucette. Happy to be home, mainly because allergies aren't so bad here, must be the pollution helps quell down pollen.

This years fashion

2006-06-24T18:39:00.000-04:00

So its Saturday night and I went into the city and the fashion that the ladies are sporting this year in italy would be best classified as Hooker Cowboy. You see its all hooker looking fashion, but with cowboy boots. Lots of tits, lots of yee-haa

Done and Done

2006-06-24T13:48:00.000-04:00

Hey Motherfuckers, looks like my touring is done. Didn't make half as much as I anticipated I would make which sucks rhino snatch but at least they were cool trips with cool people and i got some good biking in. My eyes are still killing me, I try not to rub them but i have to. Tonight a dinner and tomorrow, finish up my work and then crash crash crash.

Helter Swelter

2006-06-23T12:31:00.000-04:00

I rode 36 km in 40 degree heat up and down hills. fuck it was not pleasat. Then i foudn out that this 5 star hotel we stayed in threw out a clients print because they thought it was garbage, no im sorry, no its my fault, the tell me it disappeared. that was their fucken excuse it dissappeared. how the fuck does something dissappear? I told them it was unacceptable (I was sweating in bike shorts with my balls at eye level. and the short hair bitch tells me these things happen even in 5 star hotel. needless to say i was not pleased and i was and continue to be a huge prick to them. tonight we have dinner there let me see how i can fuck with them, i wont be happy till i make the bitch cry. thats how they do it on the Apprentice right?

Zombie Ride

2006-06-23T02:30:00.000-04:00

Well as always in this area of Tuscany my allergies are really bad, you know the white of your eyes, mine are red and oozing puss, its great cause im also in my ball hugging bike pants and my nose has a constant drip, and im walking around this very uppity 5 star hotel, dripping and pussing all over the place. All I can say is fuck the 5 star hotels because they lose things that i need, and even when i confirm 3 times massages and dinners with them they dont understand. And they have a cuntress walking the grounds. Gotta go have breakfast. Umadlkdjdoiufadfa (thats my zombie speak)

one more thing

2006-06-22T18:16:00.000-04:00

i figure i would just get a couple of last things in before my sore eyes force me to bed. I will be riding about 65km in 40 degree heat tomorrow. Tonight my hotel is an oven because the a/c broke down, so its impossible to get anyone to fix it until about 9 am as they told us , which means it wont be fixed tomorrow, ahh life at the Cappucina. They have a pool but I havent been to it. Because we move around so much the past 2 days ive been showing up to elegant dinners in the most wrinkled shirts you can imagine. When I shower here at The Cappucina, the shower curtain gets sucked in and wrapps it self around me and when i try to push it away it just licks my legs with big long wett licks, so now I shower without a curtain and brush my teeth in a foot of water by the sink. Back to my oven for sleep.

excuse me while I de-puss my eyes

2006-06-22T18:04:00.000-04:00

Tonight at dinner I had to excuse myself to go and wipe the puss out of my eyes, isnt that attractive. As well ice in italy is a commodity like gold or oil, asking for it from a hotel is like asking for a kidney they give be half a Longo's bag of ice for our cooler which is suppose to have drinks for 12 people. And when I asked (knowningly i might add, but for the benefit of the doubht i thought I would) if I could get ice at a gas station they said "no you get gas at a gasstation). I bit my lip because I wanted to ask so "where the fuck does one find an ice station in italy" but I didnt and to be honest i could give a rats ass about ice, but of course those from north america arent used to drinking water and sodas piss warm, so I have to do what i can with 17 cubes of ice. It was hot and when its hot like Frosty I melt. But i did find the best gelato in Tuscany in the piazza in San Gimignano. Shame people ask me about the historic signifance of San Gimignano and all I can say is "the town is named after a milanese saint, how odd" and then I just go off into my Vernaccia speech, its the white wine found here, dee-lish, drank half a bottle tonight, i come back to the hotel (Im at the cappucina hotel where the front desk the bald dude is a real schmuck, he told me I can use the computer for 5 minutes and hes busy talking to his skin head friends --they might not be bald but the look like skin heads to me.

Ghost Nun

2006-06-21T17:44:00.000-04:00

OK so for those of you who have been reading my blog, you may have heard of the ghost nun who lives in the old monestary which has no been converted into a beautiful hotel, where Germans and Americans walk around in flip flops suning their pale bodies by the pool. Well, we sort of shrugged this aside when me and my collegue heard about it, then this morning a client came up to us and said I couldnt sleep all night because someone was in the room upstairs walking around and creaking a door, and she added and it was like a weird clomping type footstep. She looked at us, because we both had this look of "what the fuck! " and we were oh no nevermind, thats interesting and such, but we didnt tell her there are no rooms above you, since your ceiling is 12 foot high. Shame Ghost Nun strikes again. I cant even tell you how much Ive been drinking between pre-dinner drinks or apperativi as we call them plus all the Chianti Classico we have for dinner and the after dinner drinks all i can say is wow its good country to drink in, but fuck thehills are steep. There is this one hill that is so steep you think its over and the hills ugly sister slaps you in the face. I will be home soon as my jaunt is near done and i am oh so happy. Tomorrow i am in the van so i will crank the Canadian 80s rock yet again.

the @ symbol

2006-06-21T11:52:00.001-04:00

in order for me to get the @ symbol to appear on italian computers i litterally have to press 7 keys and bark like a dog. I wake up to the sound of cuckoos and the room i am in is for handicap people so i have to shower sitting down.

Cuntress

2006-06-21T11:45:00.000-04:00

I hate dealing with Italians I fucken hate it, especially when they think theyve got the best job and treat you like shit. The more highclass the hotel the bigger dicks they are like the Cunt-tress I have to deal with at this hotel we are going to. she dyes her hair this impossible red and has a mole on her cheek that I swear blinks at you. shame. Anyways she is being a real wretched snatch with me, but now Im being a very smug dick-smack back, we shall see what goes down when i see her tomorrow, the showdown begins, i was all smug when she called confused about our dinner arrangemnts im like bitch i spoke to your matre-d what the fuck. It is impossible to get massages in italy. And for some reason massages and blow jobs in italy are really really bad. shame gotta go my bus is parked precariously on this fucken hill and i got to get down this really tight really steep hill that has jagged pieces jetting out at you, i swear at times i feel like im in the movie Running man.
had great tiramisu today.

Literally 2 min

2006-06-21T05:52:00.000-04:00

I literally have 2 minutes as everyone is learning to cook Tuscan delights.ù
All I did yesterday was fix peoples tires on the side of the road. Today Ive been driving a baus fast and crazy up and down switch back hills listening to 80s Canadian rock, there is nothing like seeing the beautiful Chianti Countryside blaring Platinum Blonde out the van.
cheers

Clouds

2006-06-20T00:55:00.000-04:00

It is very cloudy and grey in Florence, which could mean I^ll be riding up fucken hills in the rain as it is my turn to ride, last time I had the wrong directions on me so I had a couple follow me the wrong way, how great is that? shame.

Blue Monday

2006-06-19T17:56:00.000-04:00

I want to send a shout out to my buds at Blue Monday's, keep oiling the machine guys!
OK so tomorrow I start another tour, since I havent had a chace to go to the clinic to get my eyes checked, I have bought camomille tea, as I hear if you place a warm back on your congintivitis or pink eye or swollen stink eye, which has yet to be determined what i have as going to clinic here in italy does not make sense when i ask can i go to when they are like no they wont be able to perscribe anything you have to spend 6 hours in an ER to get that done if you dont have a family dr. here in italy. It's fucke barbaric. So I'm down to using lotions and potions from yesteryear.
Our last tour went well, all things considered. This tour we have far less people which means far less tips, which means marco will be home with less than he thought and thats not fun.
In Tuscany the dialect is such that they dont pronounce their "c"s it sounds more like an "h" its funny. What else can I tell you about my stay here that I already havent bitched about? The Hotel Savoy in Florence is really nice and expensive but the conceirge staff seems dim to me. It took 2 people to ring in my book purchase today and it still took 20 minutes. I want to kill people who work in stores here.
Water pressure is always an issue, one of the reasons i could never live here.
It's funny but whenever i am doing a trip i always think how wonderful the other trips must be, not the one i am doing. This time I'm gonna try to have a lot of fun on this trip.

Tic Tacs

2006-06-19T03:00:00.000-04:00

I am taking 24 allergie tablets 2 at a time like they are tic tacs.
I can't wait to come back home and just chill.
someone asked about my Ass and Ball cream, im not biking as much as i did last year but the hills are crazy and it comes in handy.

Under My Tuscan Balls

2006-06-17T17:42:00.000-04:00

OK I finished my first tour of Chianti region of Tuscany.
I wasnt able to go to Cortona with the rest of the crew here to watch the game (Italy vs. USA) partly because I did do a lot of work here, and partly because there was no room in the vehicle by the time I asked, which is a) shame and b) more than shame. So I say Shit on Cortona and shit on Frances Mayes.
I have drunk so great Chianti Classico's who knew they would be so good. This morning I set my alarm at 4:45 AM for an appointment only to realize when I got to the hotel that I was one hour early, I fucked up on the time, so I went back to bed again got up at the right time, went back to bed and my fucken alarm rang an hour earliar then it had to, as in an exhausted state I musn't of been able to figure out what the fuck I was doing (wow you turn the 30 corner and you realize you become old and decript), I had a weird dream that I one eyed monkey was hanging on to my arm, man it was very scary I was shaking in my bed. Fucken cycloptic space monkeys are anything but charming when you haven't had a good nights rest. I can't wait to hit the bed tonight. Supposedly my room was haunted by a coistered nun the other night when stayed at this Fancy hotel formerly a monastary. I biked 30 some odd kms yesterday and all i can say is Tuscany is not easy biking. So German woman on a motorcycle was down on the rode as I was climbing the hill. It looked very serious and made my riding much more controlled and serious too. Holy shit I tried to scare this giant spider with a highlighter to get it away from me and it ran towards me, now I have no clue where it is. My swollen eye is getting better which is nice considering I had dinner in this very fancy resteraunt the other night and my eyes were pussing up in front of people, the whites of my eyes were all red I looked like I was an extra in some zombie film. After some late night grappa I told some people who probably didn't need to know "The Pilot" episode I had when I got banned from The Pilot (in Yorkville), shit on the Pilot too! Well That brings my night to an end as I can barely keep my eyes open and there is a hostel Daddy long leggs out to get me.

a little medical update

2006-06-16T18:47:00.000-04:00

it looks like i might have pink eye in both my eyes.
A doctor who is on my trip just told me thats what it looks like.
so its 2 am i have to be up at 4:30 to say bye to some of my clients shame is all i can say shame and you know what more shame.

Fucken asshole concerige

2006-06-16T12:35:00.000-04:00

So the fucken bald concerege here at my hotel is an asscunt who says i can use his computer for 5 minutes what kind of hotel has no internet access and has one computer, he is a lazy prick who should be fucked with a bottle of 94 chianti
thats all i have time for right now.

Grease is the word

2006-06-15T18:34:00.000-04:00

I slathered my ass and balls with this ass and ball cream i have and rode a measly 10 km and thought i would have a heart attack. there are all these fucken loud german kids in my hotel and I officially hate italians. I drink great Chianti Classico and someone gave me one today, which is nice and here is what i am fucken learning and it sounds so shame coming out of my mouth i cant even tell you:
1997 was perhaps the greatest year Chianti has seen in a long while.
2003 is another phenominal year because of how hot it was, buy that up.
it would seem that 2004 is going to be another outstanding year. 94 not so good, 2000 , 2001, very nice too. and you know what im thinking the whole time im saying it: Fuck Chianti!

Donàt even know what to say

2006-06-14T18:19:00.000-04:00

its midnight. i have to pack. i am so very tired. my eyes are red and scritchy. i am not good with rmembering where the hills are people ask me, and they earnestly answer and i wish I could remember where and i dont so i just kinda give wishy washy answers. shame . im just not good at stuff like that. we had some delicious wines tonight and i wore an italian wig and pretended to be the Duke of Radda for our guests. it was in a word° shame.

Fuck theres a day for you

2006-06-13T18:11:00.000-04:00

OK so my day went anything but smooth.
Let's just say there was someone who got a lot of skritches falling off their bikes and i am now nurse fucken nightengale. Does a first aid training class in a gym really train you for nursing? I wass in top form ripping open gauze patches, idioning and telling him all that needed to be done ER style, I have said it once and many a time "I almost went into MEdicine and McMaster University." My wallet full of 900 Euro fell into the toliet, jesus christ. I was taking off my bike shorts to well you know sit down and my wallet which i tucked in them for safe keepiong fell in to the toliet and it was one of those toliets that had that blue water in it too. shame. Highlight was eating Bistecca Fiorentina and drinkiing a remarkable Chianti Classico as thats the fucken zone of italy im in.
shame

Thank god for Advil

2006-06-12T16:41:00.000-04:00

Rough day today road around the hills of San Gimignano.
Have a headache, and im still working. Tomorrow morning I have to drive to the Hotel Savoy through the city which blocks cars from entering it and i have to cross over the ARno to do so and take the "giro della Madonna" to do so. Shame

Shicane

2006-06-10T17:10:00.000-04:00

A Shicane is a quick "esse" in the road often found on race tracks and found all over Tuscany. Today I drove about 200 km, like a bitch in heat up and down and around all kind of curves. Shame. Almost shit myself twice and did once. I can't even tell you how crazy the bike riding will be here in Tuscany and I fear that I might collapse half way up some of these hills. Shame again. I have taken some photos but like an asshole I do not have the right UBS cable (fuck Kodak and all the Eastman's still alive). I am so tired but have to do some reading and some accounting before tomorrow. I start my official tour Tuesday. Once again, shame.

Chianti it is

2006-06-10T03:19:00.000-04:00

I'm off to Chianti country. I need to find the fucken Castel where Chianti Classico was invented if you will. Shame.

Train station

2006-06-09T11:06:00.000-04:00

I just drove to the Arezzo train station and back to the Depot in a giant van. No harm, no foul.

Allergies

2006-06-08T17:25:00.000-04:00

I've never had them this bad, sneezing in continuous stretches and red swollen eyes; a collegue gave me some super strength Italian tablet for anaphailactic shock to help my face swelling to go down. Shame. And the computer won't let me upload my photos and I brought the wrong USB cable for my digital camera, damn you Kodak for using your own bitch version of a USB cable!!!

Sneeze and Sniffle

2006-06-08T16:45:00.000-04:00

OK so on my flight to London was awesome on British Airways, if I could fly with them exclusively it would be fucken unreal. There were 10 films I could choose from to watch and I chose this shitty film starring Samuel Jackson, Edie Falco, and Julianne Moore (who never flushes her toliet). Then fell asleep only to awake becauce the woman seated next to me kept sneezing and sniffling the entire time, and I was trying everything not to get to close to her. Hopped on another plane to Rome then a train to Arezzo and 14 hours later I was at home base. Thankfully, I don't think I got a cold from the snatch next to me, but my allergies are absolutely crazy here. Went on my first bike ride today in Tuscany. It was brutal, the hills here are a kick in the nut-sack and yes I did slather them up with Ass-and-Ball-cream. I had to stop at a gas station to get my breath and drink water because I thought I was going to puke. I rested for about 10 min, then the ancient woman who pumps the gas (yes she pumps the gas) told me I could drink the water from the hose near the gas pump as it comes from her well and is perfectly potable. I hate to say this but the well must be as old as the lady's snatch because the water (which like an asshole I filed my bottle up with) tasted like dirty socks mixed with old snatch.

Another thing about Pearso

2006-06-06T22:41:00.000-04:00

I think it is shitty that the rancid little kiosks and stores close at Pearson before all the flights have left. I think they should stay open as long as there are people who are travellers in the airport. I wanted to buy a book or something but the good bookstore was closed and there was no selection at the little newspaper store, and Starbucks was closed and only rancid Toast was open. As much of a prick as i am, i dont understand why people dont help tourist who dont speak english, i helped an Asian dude order a coffe because the lady at Tims was too much of bitch to help him. shame.

Amish On A Plane

2006-06-06T22:37:00.000-04:00

Ok so i'm at Pearson waiting to board and I notice all these Amish women. And I feel like Harrison Ford in Witness as i realize the are all going to London with me. I thought the Amish were only suppose to travel by horse and buggy, but i guess not. Regardless I think it's good luck to travel with nuns, monks and the Amish so I'm happy.

On a Midnight Train to Florence

2006-06-02T17:52:00.000-04:00

Tuesday sees me flying out to London bouned for Rome, then hopping on a train to Tuscany where I will be a guide for a Tuscany Chianti Getaway bike tour.
So please get ready to hear me bitch about how terrible it is to be constantly drinking Chianti in Tuscany with no water pressure.

Done and Done!

2006-05-31T14:53:00.000-04:00

SO on Sunday May 28th I participated in the first Giro Toronto, Bike race for Villa Charities.

I raised $783.00 just a little shy of my $1000.00 goal and the illustrious shirt!
But I respectable amount none the less!
I wanted to do the race in under 4 hours that was my goal, but I finished in 4 hours and 12 minutes. I blame my time on the guy who clocked me the day before by opening his car door and not looking to see me coming! As well I'm an idiot for not getting his info as my front wheel cost me $71 bucks to replace (shame).

It was a great day and a great event.
What I loved most about the day that in true Italian spirit, at every rest stop they had great food, albeit not riding appropriate food but when the spirit of the ride is Italian who cares if you should spray shit across the streets you are riding as long as you get that bowl of pasta and fagioli in you.

Here is what we had at the Rest stops:
Gelato
Espresso of course
Pasta e Fagioli
Caprese skewers
Panini
Macedonia di frutta
Polenta and sausage
and did I mention espresso?

Many thanks to all who helped me raise funds for this cause including the two celebrities Laura Branigan and Paul McCartney and his soon to be ex.
As well as:
Including:
Sean T
Michael C
Stefanie & Vince
Ass and Ball Cream Sponsor Mark D.
Brutach & Associates
Mauro & Stella
Billy K.
Belth
Kristine M
Natashia
Angela A
White Lipstick "where's my cardigan" girl from high school
Andrew D
Carla A
Laura Branigan
Carlos D
Lucy C
Lisa B
Angie S
Sonya
Angela A
Susan & Frank
Mom
Adriana S
Graham L.
Marylena
Danse Contact

The night before the big race!!!

2006-05-27T22:52:00.000-04:00

OK so tomorrow I race, from Columbus centre down to lakeshore, to keele to Islington and steeles and back down to Columbus centre.
And yesterday while going for a bike ride to train, a guy in a parked car opened his door without looking and I rode into his open door. I could not vere out of the way due to a Rogers Cable van which was too close to the guy. So I smashed into the door, destroyed my front wheel, cut my leg and have a sore elbow and neck. But I quickly took my bike (while still bleeding to a repair shop!) 71 bucks later, I'm gonna race tomorrow!!!
Just to all motorist out there please watch before opening your door when parked on a busy street.
Thanks to everyone who supported me!

$700 and counting

2006-05-22T09:50:00.000-04:00

THIS SUNDAY May 28, I will be riding in GIRO TORONTO to raise money for Villa Charities.
Thank you to everyone who donated thus far. I'm still looking to raise $300 more dollars before Sunday to reach my goal of $1000 so if you know anyone who would like to donate pass along my info (see other posts below to learn how to donate.

This is the route I'm taking.

It will be a total of 70km!

BONUS SHOW-Shame

2006-05-12T01:27:00.000-04:00

We did our first Shame is Right! show last night!
IT went well, the powers that be at the theatre want us to do a BONUS night, which is Tonight Friday May 12 at 8pm. So if you are able to check out a Comedy show come and see
Shame is Right
Date: Bonus show Friday May 12, Thurs May 18
Place: Diesel Playhouse Cabaret space, 56 Blue Jays Way
Time: 8pm
Cost: $8
You can order tix online www.dieselplayhouse.com
or by phone call 416.971.5656 * ask to speak to the toronto box office.

Bike Raising

2006-05-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for supporting my race
It's in a couple of weeks, and thus far I've raised $615.00
I want to give a shout out to all those who supported.
Including:
Sean T
Michael C
Stefanie & Vince
Ass and Ball Cream Sponsor Mark D.
Brutach & Associates
Mauro & Stella
Billy K.
Belth
Kristine M
Natashia
Angela A
White Lipstick "where's my cardigan" girl from high school
Andrew D
Carla A
Laura Branigan
Carlos D
Lucy C
Lisa B
Angie S

I'm closer to my goal of $1000.
check back to see where I am at.

SHOW ALERT: I am in a COMEDY SHOW

2006-05-02T14:13:00.000-04:00

SHAME is Right!
You've seen me do Improv. You've seen me in plays. Now see me in Sketch!
My first ever Sketch Show. It's called SHAME is Right! Our sketch troupe, apropriately called SHAME is Right!
Starring: Amanda Barker, Dale Boyer, Trevor Martin, and me Marco

Details:
SHAME is Right!

Thursday May 11th at 8pm *Special night*
Thursday May 18 at 8pm

Tickets Only $8 at the box office.
order tickets on line: www.dieselplayhouse.com
order tickets by phone: 416.971.5656
Location: The Diesel Playhouse (formerly The Second City)
56 Blue Jays Way (across from Wayne Gretzky's Resteraunt)
You can check out our website: www.shameisright.4t.com

WARNING:
This show contains: Mature Themes, Strong Language, Graphic Violence, and NUDITY.

Hit the Mark!

2006-05-02T00:34:00.000-04:00

OK so as you are all well aware I need to hit $500 to ride in bike race for Charity. and I just crossed the $500 mark!! And I never thought I would say this but it was thanks to a celebrity that came back from the grave to pledge those dollars that took me over the edge. When I check my pledges, it just tells me what you fine folks put in, so as you've noticed below sometimes people don't put their names but rather funny little tidbits, there are even a couple of Anonymous who I'm not certain who they are but thanks. But I want to say a special thanks to Laura Branigan for not excercising "Self Control" and pushing me to $525.00!!! Of course I couldn't get here without the help of everyone who pledged to get me here, so THANKS Y'ALL!!!

My Supporters Rule!

Sean T
Michael C
Stefanie & Vince
Ass and Ball Cream Sponsor Mark D.
Brutach & Associates
Mauro & Stella
Billy K.
Belth
Kristine M
Natashia
Angela A
White Lipstick "where's my cardigan" girl from high school
Andrew D
Carla A
Laura Branigan
Carlos D
Anonymous

My goal is to raise $1000, I've got 27 days,Can I do it? Check Back!

$$$$+Sweat=Help for Charity

2006-04-27T23:19:00.000-04:00

Here is the deal.
I'm riding in Giro Toronto a Charitable Bike Ride which will take place one month from today.

On Sunday May 28th I will ride 70 km, to raise money for
Villa Charities, "helping old people feel less old"
(OK that's really my slogan not their's but it kinda sums up part of what they do.)

I'm close to my goal but would appreciate any donations that you or any interested parties you might know would like to contribute to this worthy cause.

HOW DO I HELP?
1. Go to www.girotoronto.com or Click HERE
2. Click on Support a Rider.
3. Then type my first name MARCO in the space provided
4. Then type my last name TIMPANO in the space provided
5. Donate whatever you can even $5 bucks will go along way!

Thank you for your donations!
Villa Charities Thanks you.

Shout Out--RESPECT

2006-04-26T15:39:00.000-04:00

I'm sending a heart-felt Thanks! And Shout Out! to the following people who have sponsored me and are helping me reach my goal for the Giro Toronto Charity Bike Ride.

Homer once said:
“The charity that is a trifle to us can be precious to others.”

I send out a BIG
Cheers! Respect! Represent! Word! Holler!

Sean T
Michael C
Stefanie & Vince
Ass and Ball Cream Sponsor Mark D.
Brutach & Associates
Mauro & Stella
Billy K.
Belth
Kristine M
Natashia
Angela A
White Lipstick "where's my cardigan" girl from high school
Andrew D
Carla A
Laura B
Carlos D
Anonymous

To participate I need to raise $500
MY GOAL IS TO RAISE $1000
To date I've raised $525.00

Keep checking back here to see how much I end up raising.
I'll be thinking of all of you during the 4 hours it takes to complete the ride!!

Tuscany

2006-04-22T00:30:00.000-04:00

You might remember last year I spend 2 months on a bike in Puglia, and bitched like crazy on my blog about it.
Well get set for TUSCANY 2006! Yup I'm going to ride a bike in Tuscany only for 2 weeks in June but I'm certain I will bitch about it like never before. So stay tuned for that! As well I'm in a bike race for charity and I'll send some news on how to sponsor me should you chose to on my blog very soon too!
Until then Happy Chianti!!!

Damn

2006-04-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

I just spent an hour on a fucken post that is now lost.
Computers I curse and love you!

Writing on the Wall

2006-04-03T01:18:00.000-04:00

I saw this graffiti on the bathroom wall yesterday and I thought it was funny so here it is:

Dyslexics of the World, Untie!

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

2006-03-31T22:10:00.000-05:00

Book review.

So this book is very good. Despite all the stuff you may have heard surrounding it, that he exaggerated parts. It took me a couple of chapters to get into it, but I really like it. It is a quick and often time intense read, and it seems to cut through a lot of bullshit. The very end really blew my mind, basically as it sums up what happends to all the people he meets in rehab.

So I would rate this book Good!

MY RATING SYSTEM:

1. Holy Fuck! Read the book it will change your life.
2. Good! means read the book it's good.
3. O.K! means it didn't do much for me, but was good enough if you have nothing else to read.
4. Just Blah! Did nothing for me.
5. SHIT! Waste of time, money and effort; the author should stop writing and eat a pile of shit.

Next review will be for Light in August
by William Faulkner

Proof and some Shout outs!

2006-03-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

So a friend said I should post more pics on my blog as it makes it more interesting.
I'm going to send a shout out to K-ron right now, a faithful reader! And thank her for her suggestion and that moment she grabbed me in all the right places at The Charlotte room, (I wasn't that drunk).

This is a photo of me skiing in Aspen, Colorado!
In my post I had stated how great and scary it was. As you can see in this photo I am having fun what you can't see is the teaspoon of shit in my snowpants. Yeah it's definately not Blue Mountain out there, in Aspen you skii down the hill or you Die! Thankfully I did the former. A shout out to Cari who helped me on the hill put my skiis back on and to O'Hara who helped coach me, and help me get my legs that day.

Last shout out to the woman--nah lady, who last time I saw her claimed to be carrying my baby, Mel, and I've already set up the Paternity test, just let me know when the little muffin comes out.

Best Place to EAT - Toronto

2006-03-28T17:15:00.000-05:00

Looking for your favourite places to eat in the city.
I've got my favourites:

Pizza -Terroni's any location, great mushroom salad.

BBQ DiPamo's,on Eglinton, pulled pork rocks.

Indian SHER-E-PUNJAB on the Danforth, butter chicken -yum.

Looking for best Ethopian, Korean and Mexican. Tell me what's your favourite.

Score another for the Mayor

2006-03-26T16:51:00.000-05:00

So many of you have heard me bitch about the Mayor David Miller.
I may be wrong about him.
As I mentioned in a previous posting, he answered my letter and I was like cool.
Well I was just on the Danforth and the mayor is walking towards me and some friends and the guy sees us looking at him. I had just said to my friends, "there's the mayor" and as he approaches us he says: "Hi!" and then says "Have a good day". I honestly believe he was sincere about it too. Now, it is obviously good politics to do so, but overall it demonstrates to me he's a cool guy, who at least had the decency to acknowedge the people he represents even if it was in a small way. And for that Mayor David Miller of Toronto, you get respect in my book. Unlike Jack Layton who when me and some buds saw him in Vancouver, and one of my friends geniunely said hello to the fucker, he didn't give us the time of day. For that MR. JACK LAYTON; I will always say you are a tremendous COCKSLAP. All he had to say was "hey" but he didn't he was too important for us, so he can go fuck himself, he'll never get my vote. Although I may not see eye to eye politically with Mayor Miller, I want to say the guy is good in my books.

Check out this film this week

2006-03-26T11:46:00.000-05:00

A very dear friend of mine Melissa Mancini is in an small budget Canadian film that is playing at Sheppard Grande in Toronto.
It is based on the true story of Angelina Napolitano, an Italian woman sentenced to death in 1911 for murdering her husband with an axe while he lay asleep on Easter Sunday in Sault St. Marie.
So check it out, the show times are as follows: Sat/Sun: 1:20, 4:20, 7:20 and 9:50 and during the week: 7:20, 9:50 it's there for a week and will hopefully get extensions, but see it while you can!!

For more go the films web site: www.lookingforangelina.com

Review of Night by Elie Wiesel

2006-03-23T17:35:00.000-05:00

OK, folks here is the first of my Oprah Winfrey book reviews, basically seeing if the books she recommends are good, shit, or just blah. So I think I'll make my rating system as follows:

1. Holy Fuck! Read the book it will change your life.
2. Good! means read the book it's good.
3. O.K! means it didn't do much for me, but was good enough if you have nothing else to read.
4. Just Blah! Did nothing for me.
5. SHIT! Waste of time, money and effort; the author should stop writing.

Elie Wisel won the Nobel Peace Prize, and this book deals with his memories as a child of the horrors that he and his family experienced during the WWII, in concentration camps.

How does one review a book that deals with such personal and beyond tragic story especially when it is a recount by the author. You just can't. It is stirring, it is hard to read at times because you just can't believe what the author went through, it is an important read. What I appreciated about his book is that it is 120 pages, so it is a quick read, but the intensity is still there. I'll be honest and say that when it comes to this subject matter I think Primo Levy's books stand out more for me, but Wiesel definately takes you there, and the book should make you feel something, (anger, hope, despair, sadness, etc...)

I would rate this particular book Good!. But recommend that you pick up The Perodic Table, by Primo Levy

Going down the list, the next review will be for A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

Pink in the Sink

2006-03-21T01:32:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else seen the commercial where the woman says she saw "Pink in the Sink"and does anyone else think that's mildly offensive as I do?

Book Challenge

2006-03-17T11:49:00.000-05:00

O.K so recently I've been challenged to read the books on Oprah Winfrey's book club and review them. I have to admit, I have only read one of the books on her list of books she has done on her show. I wouldn't say that I am an avid reader but I do enjoy reading. I also read books on tape and CD, and I know that for some of you "readers" that defeats the purpose of reading a book. I find I can get through many more books and find the experience often more pleasurable; and would recommend everyone give it a shot. So I will in reverse order try to read the Oprah Winfrey Book list. The Challenge has begun. First book to be reviewed will be: Night by Elie Wiesel

Gold Star for Mayor Miller

2006-03-15T00:56:00.000-05:00

OK so I don't make any bones about not being a fan of Toronto's Mayor David Miller.
I think I've even slammed him on this blog. BUT I have to give him some respect. After my friend got mugged I sent him a letter regarding the incident and the problems I've noticed in the area. He responded with a letter, that addressed my concerns, and I have to say for what it's worth, that's cool. And I have to give the man some respect. Though I may not agree with him politically speaking, I must say that I appreciate his letter. Word; Miller.

Hey Paul McCartney--shut the fuck up!

2006-03-06T23:32:00.000-05:00

OK...so I've always been a fan of McCartney and The Beatles since I was a young lad.
I detest when people like McCartney and his peg-legged wife, go on national tv, with a fucken Canada shirt on, and spout misinformation regarding the seal hunt in Canada. Especially when you start to compare the seal hunt to slave trading; what the fuck??? Seriously what the fuck, I really don't see how the comparison is not offensive. People being marginalized, exploited, abused, races of people subjected to horrific, dangerous, deplorable lives. And big mammoth seals being culled and used to help support one of Canada's oldest industries (fishing) that has been really hurting for a long while, in one of the poorer areas of the nation.

OK, here is some of the scoop that Paul and his wife did not mention:
FACT: Canada has banned the killing of newborn, whitecoat pups.
FACT: Older harp seals are what the sealers are after.
FACT: Most seal hunters are fishermen looking to subsidize their incomes in the off season.
FACT: In 2003, Ottawa introduced a three-year management plan allowing for 975,000 seals to be hunted.
FACT: Newfoundland has between 4,000 to 5,0000 sealers. Earnings from the annual seal hunt, which begins in March, comprise nearly 30 per cent of their annual incomes.

OK so I didn't hear McCartney say that he would help subsidize these fishermen.
But I did hear him say that the seal hunt is a: "stain on the Canadian people." ALL I can say to that is SIR PAUL kindly GO FUCK YOURSELF!!
Hey everyone is entitled to voice their opinion. I do not appreciate when big name celebs try to support their case or their point of view with information which is false or inaccurate to help your case.

Hey when I hear people anyone famous or not shitting on my countrymen, that's where I take issue, you don't hear people saying that McCartney's latest album and in particular the song "English tea" is a "stain on the British", do you?

Seriously when I hear the McCartney's spouting stuff like that, it makes me just want to go out grab a bat and bash a baby harp seal's head in.

Back From L.A

2006-03-03T12:47:00.000-05:00

So I got back from Los Angeles last night.
Now I stayed at "The Standard" hotel, I think it is co-owned by Ashton C. it was a pretty hip place but room 206 is above the nightclub so dont try to go to bed before 2 am if you are staying there.
Other highlight for my trip was eating at Roscoe's chicken and waffles. Something everyone should try if you are out there.
Liked L.A the best this visit as it has never been my favourite place. It definately feels like there is a pulse going on in the city that I had never felt on prior visits.
Any other hot L.A spots? Let me know. As well San Francisco as I'll be there next wednesday.

I wasn't drunk just blind

2006-02-27T22:30:00.000-05:00

The last post i made about NYC.
I was drunk in nyc but not when I wrote that post, instead I wrote it from the tv internet in the hotel room and I was very tired and couldn't see because my glasses (which were expensive mind you) are somewhere in Aspen. So basically the incoherent post talks how great my time in new york was. Tomorrow I've got to be up at 5 am to go to L.A. So we shall see what type of post I'll be making from there. Peace to everyone, and for those of you who haven't been to The big apple.What you waiting for?

NYC

2006-02-27T01:57:00.000-05:00

So I've preyy much enjoyed my 4 days here in New ork. what a fucken town! We had gon to this geran spot and it happenes to be a big german marti gr prty, so huge steins of beer and germans i costumes singing to 80's Grman hits, it was crazy and lovely and so nyc. Walke all over secially lowr East sde. ate well., and id work. Saying t the Helmley Park Lane htl.. this fcken place i stuk in 184 and it isn't aging well...how lon before it falls into ondos like the Plazadid. It seems moresoevery tie i visit NYc s a ich mans town. Next s

stuck at Pearson

2006-02-24T17:48:00.000-05:00

So I'm stuck in Pearson intnl airport in Toronto at Terriminal 3, waiting for a 5:40 flight to NYC toleave at 8pm due to high winds in NYC.
There is nothing to do in this fucken place.
Get this, there is a Tim Horton's which I can see on the Domestic flights side, but here on the U.S. flight side all we have is a fucken ass-munch TOAST! So basically we are shafted because any decearning proveyer of joe and sweets is stuck watching people get decent grub, whilst we are stuck with the turd of all places TOAST! The people who put this TOAST! spots in airports should be shot ans pissed on. 7 bucks for a han and cheese sandwich? - I mean I understand you have us by the nuts but do you have to sqeeze so hard? All I csn clearly state is Fuck TOAST! and the ass-wipes who think it is aceptable to provide sub-quaility fair at outrageous prices. May TOAST and all it'saffiliates go belly up.

ASPEN

2006-02-24T00:18:00.000-05:00

OK so I was in Aspen Colorado last week, for some bizniz.
And I just want to talk about skiing Aspen.
I did it and man was it awesome. I won't lie to you, I'm not a good skiier. And the hills in Aspen aren't for pussies. Now I might not be a good skiier but I ain't no pussy. I did a day on the mountain, and at times I needed to catch my breath; altitude + alcohol not so good a mix.
I had some help and encouragement from the "Thew" - peace to you brother. And I was far from elegant traversing the grade.

Parabolic skiis good choice.
Bonnies for lunch good choice.
Meeting Lorne Michaels on the slope great event.
Silver bell on the down not so good choice.
My ass on my bosses head as she tried to help me put my ski on not so good choice.
My 80's neon ski wear, fucken awesome.
Photo to follow

25 bucks shame Chapters shame

2006-02-09T23:48:00.000-05:00

OK so I've been a member of the Chapters card programme or whatever the fuck you call it for several years now, I'd say 10 but I'm not quite certain, regardless a number of years.
This year they are charging 25 bucks for it. I just think anything over 20 bucks for a discount card is shameful. I mean I know you get a whole bunch of coupons and shit, but here's an idea less fucken coupons and cheaper price on the discount card.
So I don't know if I'm going to buy the card this year. I just dont think its worth 25 bucks even if there are savings to be had.

Feb is Red

2006-02-08T02:00:00.000-05:00

So February seems to always be painted red, due to the fact that Valentine's Day is in February.

It's amazing how most of us can talk endlessly about war, ourselves, how horrible people are, etc... but rare is that we speak on LOVE. On of my favourite authors is LEO BUSCAGLIA and I stronly recommend read his books or give them as Valentine's gifts as they truly are Beautiful writings on Love.

So I thought I would talk a moment about love, and ask that you give your thoughts on Love, should you be so brave.

HEre are some of my thoughts on LOVE:

It is easy to take advantage of someone who has loved you since you were a child because that love was always there, and one assumes that it always will be, as in love from parent to child. It is only when the threat of losing that love or loved one, that we realize how precious that love is. I also believe that a child will never be able to give a parent back the amount of love that they have received from the parent, it is impossible. There can only be a transfer of that love onto your child. That is unless you have shitty parents or you are a shitty parent.

When you unexpectedly realize that you are loved it is a humbling experience.

Love should never cause you to cause pain, but rather your love should make those around you feel better, whether you are in Love or giving Love.

There are songs and sayings that would suggest that "Love Hurts" but I think it is the lack of it, or the loss of it that hurts.

Love is easy to define and yet has been wrongly slandered as many things other than LOVE.

If you look at lexicon, there are few words that truly are perfect. But Love is one of them. I think Peace is another. I bet they sound beautiful in all languages.

Guitar lessons

2006-02-07T01:16:00.000-05:00

I can now learn how to play accoustic versions of Laura Branigan on the guitar.

the let me in

2006-01-29T11:35:00.000-05:00

In New York city. baby loving it.

The Christie Pitts

2006-01-27T01:38:00.000-05:00

On January 15, a dear friend of mine was mugged as she walked by the Christie Pitts just north of Bloor St, on Christie street. If you are walking at night please be on the East side of the street, away from the park that obviously is being patrolled by the crack addicts and crack dealers.

If you really want to help clean up the park, please email or write Mayor David Miller.

Attack ads suck!

2006-01-18T01:06:00.000-05:00

All these attack ads suck ass.
I think they divert attention to what the fucken parties should be telling us, like what the fuck they are going to do for the nation and the people.
All 3 parties should really smarten up.

Plain & Simple

2006-01-15T00:15:00.000-05:00

VOTE.

Pat "fucken" Robertson

2006-01-07T02:13:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you wish God would actually strike a lightening bolt at assholes like this.

This is from his website regarding some stupidity he said about the Israeli PM:

According to his spokesperson, Angell Watts, Robertson is simply reminding his viewers what the Bible has to say about efforts made to divide the land of Israel.

She also expressed Dr. Robertson’s outrage at People for the American Way, who have a clear left-wing political agenda and who, on an ongoing basis, lift his comments out of context and widely circulate them in an attempt to discredit him.

Hey for the record I don't have a left-wing political agenda, I just truly think the guy is an asshole.

Get Informed: Originally posted June 2004

2006-01-05T02:00:00.000-05:00

OK, so your not politically astute.
So what you're CANADIAN that's all that matters.
Click on these 4 web sites, see what they have to say and then you can decide:

1. Click CONSERVATIVES
2. Click GREEN
3. Click LIBERALS
4. Click NDP

Still not sure, here are the other parties you could vote for (some of them look a little crazy):

5. Click BLOC QUEBECOIS
6. Click CANADIAN ACTION PARTY
7.Click CHRISTIAN HERITAGE PARTY
8. Click COMMUNIST PARTY
9. Click LIBERTARIAN PARTY
10. Click MARIJANA PARTY
11. Click MARXIST-LENINIST PARTY
12. Click PROGRESSIVE CANADIAN PARTY

Still not sure, got to your voting station, and SPOIL YOUR BALLOT, by either not checking anyone, or penciling in your own box with a comment like "I don't trust any of these people". At least this way you've let your VOTE COUNT!

2 books - 1 review

2005-12-28T20:13:00.000-05:00

I just read two books that have similar slants, both written by comics, one of which was very good one of which was shit.

New Rules by Bill Maher and
I Have Chosen To Stay And Fight by Margaret Cho

IN THE SHIT DEPARTMENT:
Bill Maher's book is dull and he just sounds like a whinny little bitch. Every time he tries to make a comedic point, I swear I could hear the whaw-whaw sounds to indicate the joke fell flat. Don't waste your money or your time. He should really read his own chapter on how some celebrities actually got out of their professions while still on the top of their game, something he has obviously failed to do, at least with regards to this book.

IN THE NOT SO SHIT DEPARTMENT:
Margaret Cho's book has edge to it. Covering politically hot topics with zeal and at times a lot of compassion which with her high-octane language seems odd but works. She does get a little preachy with regards to the issue of gay marriage, but it obviously stems from an issue she feels strongly about. This book is intelligent, while Maher's book comes across more like a spoiled brat during a temper tantrum someone give him a fucken pacifier already.

Merry Christmas!!

2005-12-23T14:12:00.000-05:00

For all those who celebrate Christmas, may you have a very Merry one.

Those who celebrate other holidays at this time of the year may they be festive and Merry as well.

To everyone who doesnt fit in either category PEACE.

There's an election brewing

2005-12-21T17:03:00.000-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me how politicians are so gung-ho about solving the nations problems around election time and when all is said and done and they are elected this eagerness to please the nation is all but gone.
Shame on such politicians, namely the one's going for the prime spot.
Here is my take on the big 4:

Harper = scares me, he is W.Bush lite; not so many calories but equally as fucked. Where Bush has pizzaz, Harper is as dull as goat testicles.

Martin = I think he means well, but is a stumbly fool. There's no excuse for a man of his wealth and position as the nations leader to come across as such a weak little turd.

Layton = I ran into him on the street once, my impression, he's an asshole a totally utter asshole posing as a nice down to earth guy, which makes him a bigger asshole.

Duceppe = You know those scary albino's who sit in your car and wait for you to get in and then rope fishing wire around your neck until you gasp your last breath? That's the Duceppe when he's being nice.

What do you think?

December Birthdays!

2005-12-15T18:27:00.000-05:00

I'm a December baby, which makes me a Saggitarius, a pretty cool sign if I do say so myself.
I was lamenting the otherday with a fellow Sagg regarding our birthdays being in December, so close to the birth of Jesus Christ (even though theologians debate the actual date of his birth). As a result we have in the past gotten the shaft. Now as an adult I have been able to overlook the following, and now it actually makes me laugh, but as a youngster it wasn't fun. So I felt it was my duty to inform those of you who might have youngsters or young family members born in December here are some things not to do:

1. Do not give a combo birthday card/Christmas cards, there is enough attention on Christmas and we children of the cold month 'D' need not be reminded of the fact that Jesus' birthday is more important than ours.

2. Giving a combo birthday/Christmas gift is lame. I don't care if you spend more than you would on just one present, better to give 2 distinct gifts than one and say: "This is your birthday AND Christmas gift", it would be great to say that to someone who celebrates a July birthday, "yeah this for Christmas too."

3. Wrapping birthday gifts in Christmas paper is just plain laziness and you don't really give a rats ass about the kids birthday. FACT: A kid likes to open Christmas presents, and a kid likes to open birthday presents. Kids see other kids opening birthday presents all througout the year, and the entire time all they think about is one day this year I'm gonna be opening birthday presents too. Now you can tell a kid its his birthday gift, but if it's wrapped in Christmas paper you and the kid both know, it's a fucken Christmas gift.

4. Giving a kid any sort of Christmas paraphanelia as a present for their birthday is perhaps the stupidest thing you can do. Anything that is Christmas related, meaning anything with a Santa Clause on it, anything red and green that say Noel, anything that has some sort of corelation with Christmas, is shitty to give for someone's birthday. Since Christmas is around the corner save it for then.

I'd like to hear from people whose birthdays center around other holidays, and what they usually get for birthday presents. IS there anyone esle who gets the shaft on the birthday like a child of December?

Free Movie Screening!

2005-12-12T12:51:00.000-05:00

If you are living in Toronto and want to see a free screening of a hilariouis movie that good friends of mine have wrote, starred and produced come to the Varsity theatre this Thursday. Read below:

The feature film "Greg & Gentillon"
Thursday, December 15th
at 10:00AM **please note this is 10 am in the morning!**
at the Varsity (Cinema #3)

This screening is primarily to show the film to distributors such as Alliance Atlantis.

If my recommendation isn't enough to convince you then Click Here

shopping not nearly done

2005-12-12T01:07:00.000-05:00

I still havent done all my christmas shopping.
No desire to go to the malls.

Common Sense

2005-12-04T21:04:00.000-05:00

OK far be it for me to recommend large corporations, but every once in a while they do something I deem as worthy. IF you are in the market for a real Christmas tree. IKEAis selling them for $15 bucks; but you get a $15 dollar coupon to use at the store, and for every tree sold they will plant another and a dollar from each sale is donated to an enviromental charity.
I think that is great, and my hats off to IKEA.

We're Having a Schomberg Christmas!

2005-12-02T15:41:00.000-05:00

The best Christmas around...

OK so tomorrow I have the great pleasure of going to the small Ontario town of Schomberg to celebrate with good friends at the Schomberg Christmas festival where we will see tractors with lights drive down mainstreet. I'll try to get some photos to post.