Why am I still fat?

I ride 40 km on a bike uphill all the time. And yet I'm still a fat bastard because as you can see I eat orechette and if you look at my crooked eye, you will see that all I do is drink wine. I am totally smashed in this picture. I also found a shower with some actual fucken water pressure. I can't actually believe it, I almost actually shit in the shower just because I was so happy. Then I thought well I probably wouldn't enjoy the hot water-pressure shower if I had to share it with a log of shit. Tomorrow I have a long day...but I am at a hotel run by 3 ladies, one of which I've never seen, but the other 2 are absolutely lovely and I have the best time with them. Plus they constantly flatter me. Course here in Italy there are very few women I don't shower with compliments. It's just common practice here, I don't think Canadian chicks would appreciated like they do in Italy.