Thursday, September 30, 2004

September over

This is my favourite time of the year. Fall in Canada is great!
I just wanted to say that. I've got a sore throat that I'm trying to nurse better.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004


The fucken moron who put blades in the sand at the volleyball park at Woodbine beach is a fucken gutless coward. Whoever did such an act is dispickable and in my view are terrorists, and its time that these people know that these sick acts are performed by Cowards! I hope they get what they deserve.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Farwell Nova Scotia

Ok so there is this infectious song written about Nova Scotia, one of the East coast songs that you stamp your foot and raise you beer to and it goes like this:

"Farewell to Nova Scotia, you seabound coast
Let your mountains dark and dreary be
For when I am far away on the brimy ocean tossed
Will you ever heave a sigh or a wish for me?"

And once you've been here, you realize why you immediately fall in love with this song. I hope Nova Scotia will heave a sigh for me, 'cause I'll be heaving one for her.

First off, it's a beautiful province, as Vito said; "more beautiful than British Columbia" if you can believe it, well at least on parr.

I'm spending my last few hours walking around the city of Halifax, saying goodbye to the Harbour, and the shops and the Atlantic Ocean air.

Things I will miss most:

The very friendly people.
The Nova Scotians who speak with a thick accent, and I have to say: "pardon" to, and yet they just smile and repeat it with the same accent and I still don't understand but I nod and smile back.
How you can just fling yourself in the middle of the street and all cars will stop and wave you by.
The Seafood.
The cool weather.
The beer.
The price of beer.
The chit-chatty nature of these people.
The cleanlyness of this city.
The Lobster and Sailboat emblems you see everywhere.
The Bluenose II.
The Lighthouses.
The fact that there are no bitch Starbucks in the city (thank Christ - I love you Halifax!!!)

Things I will not miss:
The lack of street signs in this city.
Snake Island.
Very few 24 hour places especialy for internet.
The fucken Bellydancing bitches.
The Imperial Room's grandure.

Farwell Nova Scotia...

Toronto get ready, daddy's coming home!

Monday, September 13, 2004

Sold Out!!

So my final show last night was sold out, they had to turn away 16 people. Which leads me to believe I would have had more people come to my fri and sat day shows if they werent at 4pm and 6pm. But regardless, we had a great show last night, the only thing that went wrong was I forgot the fucken programmes at home; shame so no one last night got to read my clever prose. There was a duo of older actors who did a show in the Imperial room called "Snippets" that was about like snippets of their lives. Unfortunately, neither myself, rob or leslie got to see "Snippets" and they were such lovely people and last night sitting in the front row of my show were the Snippet people in bright yellow t-shirts that said whatelse? Snippets on it. They were lovely and I almost cried having them there, well between telling the old broad she had a nice rack that is. I'm happy my last show was pact to capicity, and get this, I had 2 reviewers in my audience on the last day. What the fuck? Yup 2 people from various papers there on the last fucken day of my show. What are you gonna do...(sigh) Halifax. I closed my show with Chad (my 16 yr old music prodigy) singing "Farwell to Nova Scotia" with the audience clapping along, and me in my Sou'Western it was a thing of beauty. I should have gotten a photo I forgot I was having too much fun. Went out for dinner with the Doucettes and had a nice snickety snack at the Wooden Monkey where I first heard Chad play; his mother caught a napkin on fire it was crazy, we almost torched the place. I went home and crashed like a beast. I'm off to explore my final day in Hali!


Sunday, September 12, 2004

Final Performance!

So at 7:30pm I will be doing my last Vito Cazzolungo show at the Imperial room at the Neptune.
I'm excited to finally be done which means no more making posters, and handing out postcards and soliciting and putting up and tearing down my show, its such a pain in the ass. I'm taking Chad out for dinner after the show.

Last night, I went to the Italian Association's dinner and it was nice I met some great people there, I was suppose to do stand up, but stupid me said to put the mic outside I was going to do it outside (what was I thinking?) few people were listening and there was this drunk biker guy with a thick goatie, yelling shit at me, not heckling, he was yelling nonsensical things like "from the north!!!from the north!!!" I was kinda laughing to myself thinking oh Perry would get the biggest kick out of this... I drank so much beer lastnight.

So I don't perform until 7:30, I might go see a fringe show, and clean up my place, de-fringe it, its got all kinds of shit lying about, posters, postcards, papers, markers, tape, etc....

I lost my LA cap, I hope Rob and Leslie found it in the car, it's M.I.A. and that makes me sad. I'll try to update after my show.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Saturday show done!

So last night, I went to see a fringe show in The grand Imperial room aka the fucken broom closet in the back where they shoved me....but I digress it was packed to the hilt. It was crazy, the show was ok, need some polishing, but far be it for me to diss any show at the fringe with the exception of "A night at the Oasis" fucken bullshit bellydancers at a fringe show who ever heard of that? Plus those bitches postered over my poster on the street, needless to say I have yet to run into one of those twats but when I do.....on behalf of me, rob and leslie they shall feel my wrath. I went to a bar and met up with Richard (the eccentric Professor from Dal.) I have a St. Mary joke that kills for some reason I used it tonight. Went home drunk and crashed.

This morning I woke up and went to the Market at Keith's brewrey it was nice. I bought a great bottle of Nova Scotian wine, really good, who would have thought, never ceases to suprize me this province.

OK so my show, was at 4pm today (I know a shit time for my kinda show, because what happens is I get all kinds of grandmothers coming to see Vito, for fuck sakes, they enjoy it but its kinda brutal for them, I said to one she must be in her 80s, "I thought you'd have bigger tits." I don't know how this stuff comes out of my mouth...but I digress. I had a full house, they were quiet but enjoyed the show, I spoke ***sorry I was just interupted by a couple who saw my show and enjoyed it, Haligonians are great people, I don't want to say anything but..."*** where was I, yeah it would seem they enjoyed it how fitting they interupt me just when I second guess my show. From here I go to the Italian Association of Halifax (IAOH) for their weekend fest, I'm suppose to perform for them as Vito but keep it clean for the old and the youngsters. All I can say is I'll try.

I was on Breakfast TV out here, because of these guys kindness at the IAOH, so I hope I do a good job for them. Plus I think I'm getting a free dinner out of it too! OH yeah forgot to mention I ate greek food before my show, the entire time I was supressing burps, fucken greek food, its the tszasiki gets me every time.

I know when I get home I'll be poor from this stint out here but nonetheless the experience in a word; grand.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Enjoying a Latte, but its not Coco, not yet

OK so I did my 6pm show to a decent sized audience but they were subdued. I don't think it was my best show, I did work hard and Chad Doucette who is 16 from East Shore (I still have no clue where that is, I asked his dad and he told my some lake mismkimain lake or something) this kid is a fucken force. He enjoyed my show. One guy yawned and I told him if he does it again I would jam my cock down his throat. I think the fact my show was at 6pm was a bit early in the evening for Haligonians to really feel the vibe of my type of show, lets see what happends tomorrow at 4:00pm - Christ. I did have 2 uni students who were right there from the get go!

It was muggy and it rained today. So now it looks like a nice night but before I had a headache from the low pressure. I've walked up and down this fucken hilly city, my calfs are on fire. I'm going to see a fringe show tonight at 9pm for those of you who remember Victoria from SC its a show she is involved with out here.

The whirl wind that is Halifax is winding down, partly because the dynamic duo Rob and Leslie have left me for T.O and partly because Amy S. who's show was a big hit out here left too. :(

I am seeing all my toronto friends on TV; Dina's milk, Massimo's chips, Pooch as a mr. fixit, Billy on buses, its crazy but it makes me proud to be out here and see my friends on TV.

I'm exhausted from promoting my show, its probably the thing I hate the most, Chris Bond where are you when I need you? Dance Contact, I can't hand out flyers like you.

I think I'm going to go to bars tonight, this place is crawling with University students its fucken crazy, all of them --mangy!

till later

Tonight at 6pm

OK so tonight at 6pm is the first of my last 3 shows here in Halifax.
I'm hoping for a good set.
So to finish off yesterday...
I went to the Italian Association of Halifax, nice place and nice people. Diana drove me to ATV studios where I changed into Vito, I had about a minute on the show and I tried to keep it clean and Italian which meant I did my Leaning Tower of Pisa bit, I don't know how well in translates to TV but the people in the studio laughed so we'll see. Then I got a ride back to my place in a Ferrari no less, it was there to represent the Italians at this ATV Breakfast tv taping for this morning's show. I taped it but only got the first bit for some strange reason it went from Breakfast TV to Canada AM which leads me to believe I should have been taping another channel. So I get back to my place and I decided now its time to see Pier 21 where my folks first came through when they first came to Canada. I get there and there is this Italian wine expo in one of the big halls, so I chat the lady up and even though it was a private affair she let me in. So they had parmiggiano and prosciutto and I went to town, and then the wine tasting, I was half in the bag and I realized I still have to see the exhibit. So I went to the museum and took a brief look at everything bought a video on Pier 21 and a souvenier but I didnt get to see the film they show, so I might have to go back.

After Pier 21 I walked around the city and tore down posters that covered mine, which is a daily event for me, it no longer angers or frustrates me. I decided to go to Mic Mac Mall in Dartmouth to pick up a gift for the young guy who is playing music at my show. Of course I had a blister the size of the rock of gibralter and was hobbling around this rancid mall, and found nothing. I did go to Chapters and pick up something for my show.

I went home and cooked some dinner, I was beat but still had to hand out more postcards and change some stuff at the theatre, which I did but that meant going back and forth from my place to the theatre at least 3 times and its a bit of a walk.

I went to a bar and then when I was off to another it started to rain so I went home and as I was getting close to home it stopped--go figure.

I woke up this morning to sounds of drilling outside my place where of course they are doing construction.

Today I have a day of getting stuff together for my show. And eating.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Finally - A Review!!!

OK, so I've been buying the friggin papers out here everyday to see if someone reviewed my show--good or bad I wanted a review to incorporate in my show. So I finally got one today in The Chronicle Herald.
In big headlines it says: "Should P.E.I. be renamed Spuddy?" (after one of my great lines) and it goes on >"Politically incorrect Ladies and Gentlemen...makes sense" its a good review she goes on to say >"his hilarious rants..." "Timpano has created a vulgar, politically incorrect alther ego who actually makes a lot of sense in his satirical comedic commentary." then she says >"its worth the price of admission" then this part i didnt understand but she says >"in the end, the racy, robed Italian Canadian character is wise and totally embracing of humanity" (whatever) but the best thing she writes is >"Vito, who may actually have some Newfoundland satiric blood in him..." I like that, I'm part Newfie....I'm definately going to use that in my show. For the entire review, I have no clue where to go, but I imagine if you click around and search The Chronicle Herald, reviewed by Elissa Barnard, and Thursday Sept 9, 2004 you should find something. I'm off to tape an episode of Breakfast TV on the Atlantic Television with the Italian Canadian Association of Halifax they kindly asked me to join them in this little tv broadcast, who knows maybe I'll run into Marianna Bachynsky....(wink)

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Loving it out here!

OK so its not a metropolis, but Halifax is definately a cool town.
They have no street signs and people talk far too much here even when you ask a simple question, they will cause traffic jams to let pedestrians cross the street, and all the newspapers out here are bitch papers 'cause none have reviewed my show thus far.

So yesterday on Rob and Les's last night in Nova Scotia we did the "giro della Madonna" transl. the tour of Christ== we went to the Citadel and marched around there to find out it was a fort that was never attacked and never saw battle (yeah I know exciting), but they try to make it exciting by having a bag piper and the changing of the guard and flags, but at the end of the day its kinda boring.

So off we go to Lunenburg (one of Canada's UNESCO World Heritage sites, we stopped at Mahone's Bay and I dipped my tootsies in the Atlantic Ocean, which I have you know is not a bitch ocean like the Pacific...but I digress. Lunenburg is a picturesque fishing village and it was awesome, Leslie and I had lobster, and rob is an Anti-boil the lobsters alive kinda guy he went a walking whilst we jammed butter soaked morsels of lobster down our gullet (christ I'm starting to talk like them out here by). We went to Springwater on the way back which I must say even though I have never seen Bedford, it must be nicer then that town (sorry Sean and Leslie but its true). We then went back to the Seilers for a rousing game of Taboo.
Then I said farwell to my frineds who are probably still driving through New Brunswick and its a long drive through that bitch province. So Cerise drove me (we got pulled over by a cop, but of course as witheveryone else out here he was nice)she drove me to my new stay which is like an executive apartment kinda deal, 'cept this morning they were making fucken noise in the kitchen and my inn keeper is a bit of a loon, but she got my some detergent for my clothes so shes good in my books.
I went to Soeby's did some grocerys walked up and down South to Quinpool, it means nothing to most of you but you should know that its a bitch walk from where I'm staying. I went to see Dr. Anne Desneige who lives out here now, and she did an adjustment on me and I feel good, tonight no real plans but I'm going to promote my show. Tomorrow I'm taping an spot for Breakfast TV with the Italian Association of Halifax (great folk out here) they asked me to join then to promote their Italian event they have this weekend, its that great? more to come later. have a good one. oh yeah and I had a bottle of beer for $2 in a bar here last night, yes I said $2 bucks, its usually $3.25 but it was happy hour. Shame!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Late night snack

Leslie and I ate Lobster claws and corn last night before we went to bed, and some vanilla pudding we watched her "Bugs" show where she played an ant, a milliped, a beetle who sings the blues.
we are off to Luneneberg. more to come.

One Run Dun!

OK, so we headed off to Halifax to use the Kinkos to print my programmes and Leslie and Rob had some copying to do, but of course this is Halifax and on the long-weekend everything is closed except the post office, for us in T.O its the otherway around. Rob and Leslie dressed as Lenny and Darla and we walked around the warf handing out flyers promoting their show. I went around telling people that they were going to New York to perform it off broadway, it was hilarious. Then they got a caracture sketch done and I offended some crazy lady who was a big George w. Bush fan, I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself but of course even crazys have the right to their political beliefs. Rob and Leslie's last show was great, so their week was done (or dun) and then it was my turn.

OK so at my show I had the 16 yr old kid Chad Doucette is his name and he is phenomenal, and I had Leslie as Darla pop in my show and of course Rob was taping it for me, so I will have a copy although this was my weakest performance but the crowd was great. So picture Vito, Darla (vegas show girl) and 16 yr old kid all on a fucken stage the size of a roast pan dish. It was hilarous, Rob and Leslie gave me an awesome gift on stage, that I will use in my show for next week you'll have to wait for the photos to see what it is.

Happily Rob & Leslie are staying an extra night for us to go to Lunenberg together. Oh yeah forgot to mention we see the Bluenose II in the harbour all the time, it's always impressive. Halifax is cool, beers $3.69 a bottle --shame--

Monday, September 06, 2004

a week so far!

OK its DAY 7 here in Halifax and I'm still having fun, although I'm not looking forward to Leslie and Rob leaving to go back to the big smoke. Yesterday (Sunday) afternoon, I had a musical guest perform in my show his name is Chad Doucette and he is brilliant and he's 16 yrs old. His whole family came and I picked on his Grandma the whole time as Vito it was bad but she loved it.

Then we went on a whale watching tour, and we saw a Minke whale and then we fished out a Lobster and I held it in my hot little hand, it was great. Leslie was able to tell us the sex of the lobster, she took an oceanography class at Dal and she's all "I know this, I know that..." Then Rob and Leslie had their show and I went for dinner and coffee with Natashia who flew out today and so did other friends who came to see me in Halifax (Mariangela and Amy) so everyone is leaving the fair city and me.

We are back at the Seiler's for 2 days and this morning Leslie came down in her Ant costume and I almost pissed myself. For those of you who know Leslie ask her about the man who felt her head up at the Fireside bar.
more to come.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

sly part 2

I dont know what happend but i better get off, So we made our escape from the Professor I bought a Pita to wear away my state of drunkeness and now I'm hear on the secrest 6th floor.

read more tomorrow.

we are suppose to go whale watching.

Halifax on the sly

OK, so I got myself into this seceret room here at the hotel I'm staying in Blake helped me with this he's some sort of kid security who was having a butt outside...anyway...I'm here. We went to the titanic grave and it was nice but its a graveyard and not really my 1st choice of place to hang out, but Rob really enjoyed it and so that was fun to do with him. We went to the Maritime Museum and we saw a 20 minute 3-d film on the Titanic I was bored and the 3-D was fucking up my brain. I went home and got ready for my 2nd show.

I decided to go for a swim in the hotel pool to relax me before my show. I swallowed some water in the jacuzzi and probably got e-coli because I had the shits an hour before my show, so I went to Shoppers and got some imodium.

I go to my show, and tonight there is just about a dozen people in the audience, which is shit especially when you are in a shitty theatre space, but it was great! I had a good time and the crowd seemed to enjoy it. Then this excentric professor from Dalhouise who was at my show stuck around and wanted to buy me a beer, so we went to The Economy Shoe Shop a bar all the boehemians go to although its alot more dressy then one would expect we had a beer and then met up with a half in the bag Leslie Seiler and a not so drunk Fulton at the Fireside, with the Professor in Tow. We drank some more, and after a long story from the professor were able to make my

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Opening night part 2

Ok, so I have 4 people I know in my audience, some locals and a nice peppering of old people. I come out, a little nervous I'll admit, and Froud they love your opening, someone email froud to read my blog...ok so the crowd is warm and ready and I did well, there were times where I could feel them tense. And some of the old people had stern looks on their faces especially during my "pussy rants" but when i did my George W. Bush the old people went ape-shit they started clapping i got three moments of applause on my political stuff that I had to stop and let it subside. I had a fan who was an Italian-Newfoundlander who stayed and waited for me after my show and that was great.

Leslie and Rob have thier second show that night at 9:30, which I attend with Natashia and now technical cues are not a problem...(two minor ones) but the show was great!!!! And the crowd just under 70 ate it up.

Eve with their technical problems in their opening they got a great review in the Chronical, this morning I looked in that paper to find no reveiw...what the fuck...but anyways...I saw the Bluenose II and Theodore the tug boat its great! I have 2 more friends who came to halifax today and I think we are going to the Titanic graveyard today...should be fun...keep checking for my halifax updates.

Opening night

OK so Thursday was Rob and Leslie's opening night, Technically it was a mess, during their tech run a stage hand smashed their Elvis bust into a million pieces and because the theatre didnt have their mics ready an hour of their tech was wasted whilst peope scrambled to find mics. The are in the Source space a cool theatre...wait till i tell what theatre im in (the shit-hole), ok so they didnt get to run their piece, opening night they had a good crowd, and the lights were just off, the house lights came on three times during their dance number. But as those of you who know Rob and Leslie, their talent on stage masked any tech problems, they gave a solid show. Both of them were understandably upset after the show. So we went to The Lowerdeck and drank beer and beer and more beer and sang East Coast songs, I was amazing, "eiz the by that build the boat" after the first cohrus its easy to pick up the song, I had a drunken blast. Woke up with a hangover not pretty....

That brings us to Friday...So my friend Natashia and her friend Tamara came to town so we had brunch with them at Cora's it was delish. I went back to my hotel to work on my show. My opening at 6pm and I'm still writing material you know Vito is very contemporary current issues are very important to him...but i digress.
SIDE NOTE: I'm in the Imperial Room at The Neptune, it seats 30 comfortably and with 60 seats the audience is literally pressed against my nuts. It is some rancid dance space they converted into a make-shift theatre, it looks like a Sarajevo Closet. So Leslie was my guest on opening night, I was nervous, my space was pretty much at capacity Rob said there were 4 seats left empty, but the row of seats that press against my balls were not set up so it wasnt sold out but it was full and I had a lot of seniors at my show...yup I think when they see the title "Ladies and Gentlemen...Vito Cazzolungo" they think its like a frank sinatra lounge thing. Paolo let Tom know that my posters are a big hit and can you fucken believe it, it is attracting people to my show. more to come....

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Halifax here's more after the media launch we decided since it was our first beautiful day, lets go to Peggy's Cove, and let me just say, it is an incredible place, absolutely beautiful the Atlantic Ocean is cool, the way they have it set up is awesome. We went to the memorial for flight 111 swiss air which crashed a year ago tomorrow, keep them in your prayers. And we went to this great resteraunt called Shaw's landing which was opened by the father of a girl who died in the crash. The resteraunt was great, our waitress was a hoot, and we had a great meal so if you are ever in this area you must I repeat mustShaw's Landing.
Finally we go back to Halifax, Rob and Leslie were meeting with their stage manager, I went around to see our posters had been postered over sometimes partially sometimes just right over our posters, needless to say I took care of business. You want to cover my poster with my face on it, with you poster, try it on my actually face you cock-sucking bastards you know who you it...remember I'm European!(see previous post)

So we went to the Wooden Monkey a great little resteraunt/bar where they have homemade rootbeer on draught. I hear this 16 year old kid playing the piano and singing upstairs, he was amazing, I asked him if he would like to play and sing at my fringe show, his family was their and I wanted to make sure it was cool since as many of you know my show can get a little blue. He said he would call me from school, we shall see, if he makes it in my show, I hope he is able to.

stay tune for more in the next few days

oh and Marianna is still a twat, she pronounced both Rob and Leslie's names wrong in her report (Fulerton and Seeler).

Halifax thus far!!!!

OK, so it took us 20 hours to get to Halifax and we had 12 minutes of nice weather the entire way we got pissed on. New Brunswick is a bitch province, it is so long to drive through. We met a Truck driver in Woodstock, New Brunswick, who said: "the problem with Ontario is the Europeans, they are taking over the province." Needless to say I found this very endearing. The buterscotch pie that i ate was the highlight of NB. Gladly we finally got into Halifax and it is a beautiful province. It rained the first day so we didn't do much.

-Day 2 -
we got stuff together and drove into Halifax it was still rainy, but we did a little bit of postering, went home and had a surf n turf dinner that was mmmmmmm-delish thanks to Leslie's folks. We played some rancid board game Rob brought till 3am and we had to be up bitch early for the meet n greet with the media.

-Day 3 -
So we got up early but I was tired, we go to the neptune theatre, rob and leslie were performing at the meet and greet. I was postering during there tech. FYI Halifax has a lot of hills in it I was sweating like a beast walking up and down the hill postering, but I we go to the meet and greet, rob and leslie the funniest thing on stage, I had to sit through belly dancers and hip-hopers and kids doing aesops fables. Rob and Les kicked ass! Then we got to mingle with people and some reporters did some interviewing. For the record Mariann Bachynsky who works for CTV (ATV out here) live is a Twat. She wouldn't interview me, she kept telling me if she had more b-tape or bullshit like that she had that "cutesy I'm sexy" way as she was dismissing me, so I said to her "Marianna, stop yanking my chain you don't want to interview me just say so, don't yank my chain" it pissed her off, she retorts "I've got all that I need", so if you feel inclined find out her on the internet and complain that Vito Cazzolungo did not get interviewed for her Live at Five coverage of the Atlantic fringe, I won't complain. Moon-faced freak that she is.

more to come....

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